shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
