quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
