The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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