I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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