I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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