so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
