tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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