someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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