all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
this is an emotional support booty call
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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