woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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