there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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