do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
