Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
