Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
