I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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