I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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