I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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