guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
