I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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