If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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