Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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