Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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