You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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