I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
