her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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