So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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