you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
