I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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