Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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