it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
