I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
