Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Man, jail baloney is awful.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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