i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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