are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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