Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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