dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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