Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
