I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
