yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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