So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
