In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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