So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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