I met the friendliest cop last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
