Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
