I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
