miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
