Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
