I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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