You don't have asthma, your pregnant
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just cropdusted the office
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
