this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
