is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
