why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
