We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
