the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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